FASHION vs. MANNERS

What you are about to read is my own particular view and experience of life. It is neither a scientific, anthropological or sociological thesis. It might sound silly, maybe shocking. Either way, this discussion does not intent to convince anyone to agree with it. The only outcome hoped for from the audience reading is, reflection and maybe analysis or constructive criticism of the content. You may or may not identify yourself with the context and may or may not, gather some insights from it. Any response is a positive response, if only laughter.

FASHION vs. MANNERS

Advertising is the art of persuasion and focuses on the exhibition of a product, service or social campaign to a specific audience in order to create a reaction for a specific purpose, be it commercial or educational. Also, it is part of a strategic marketing plan that considers all elements involved in a process. However, neither advertising nor marketing is always legally bound to unveiling the legitimacy of sources related to their ads from an ethical point of view. (If they were, perhaps they would have no longer be in business). In fact, their job is to plan the best way for their campaigns to reach the target market, triggering the audience´s desires, wishes and curiosity, instigating them to pay attention to something that has been offered to them, thus provoking some sort of reaction.

It cannot be denied that listening to, watching and reading a great advertisement can inspire and spark our senses towards something unexpected or even unthinkable. Nevertheless, the perception of all that is dependent on each individual´s background. Intelligence, perhaps not education is a great influential force when it comes to the comprehension of information and its meanings. But there are other important aspects that interfere directly with how all these messages in their many forms are absorbed: our values and principles. These are basic elements of an individual character construction, which emerge and are taught at an early stage in our lives. These are qualities that define people in society alongside each of us having our own individual personality. These qualities constantly evolve or switch according to each person´s relationship with their own goals.

Society has always been influenced by individual character and social movements. People have fought for their rights and liberation from stigmas and have attempted to move away from assumptions that have shaped society’s codes of conducts over the centuries. Although the world has been changing, it seems it has not been changing quickly enough. No matter which generation each person is part of in time and history, human beings continuously face the same social issues over and over again. Worldwide societies are still dealing with issues such as race, social status, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation. These are obstacles that pollute social interaction. It is perhaps ironic that we allegedly live in an age where information is so readily available and accessible. Information provides us with knowledge, one of is the most powerful elements someone can ever possess in life. Those of us who possess it, are more likely to manoeuvre our lives successfully than those who have do not.

It may sound like nonsense when someone says in “the old days” this or that would not happen. Every generation has its own ways of dealing with reality in its different manifestations. However, going back in time (and it actually feels like we are), magic words, such as “thanks, please, excuse me and sorry”, previously active in people´s vocabulary, no longer seem imperative. These are basic words the “old generation” learned to utter up and actually mean once they were said. As far as the new generations go, these words are fading away faster and faster, perhaps now becoming out of fashion. Current behaviours are definitively different from the old days, when good parenting usually assured that your children would behave socially on any occasion.

Rearing children nowadays is perhaps more about pleasing them in order to avoid disagreements and not disturb the “peace”. Disagreements and their resolution are however an essential part of character evolution.

In life, so very many things now relate to “fashion” and moments in time where things move back and forth accordingly to current trends and social momentums (even manners). Clothing for example has been moving back and forth for centuries. Some pieces that were fashionable in the 1980´s or 1990´s are now back in fashion with adjustments to fabrics, cuts, colour or any other visual detail. Clothing is another form of self-expression that comes with its own personal attitude. It is fascinating to observe how both fashion and manners have become more fluid within societies and their different clusters recently. Manners distinguish individuals from each other and keep society in harmony with its differences and should be unchangeable as permanent virtues of individual behaviours. They have however become a moveable feast, perhaps seasonal ever shifting towards sheer apathy.

Society is no long living in a place where social behaviours can be separated from media, politics, economic and other influential forces. A multitude of correlations have constructed a vast variety of peer groups who attempt to distinguish themselves from others through their own “original” characteristics (or so they would like to think). Beyond appearances, “dressing up” with clothing and accessories in unusual and sometimes uncomfortable ways, these peer groups may even speak in different ways, “murdering” the grammar and vocabulary of a language, just because it presents as being “cool”. Such behaviours may bring with them a sense of belonging; an acceptance that many people feel the need for. This can happen within the workplace in order to progress, in a social gathering to avoiding feelings of isolation or even when an individual’s self-esteem is unbalanced. Whatever may be the case, a need to be accepted in society, no matter what sort of tribe it may be, is still of paramount importance for many people. Another irony is these behaviours have increased intolerance and discrimination and consequently have resulted in general decline in the mental health within all affected tribes.

Social and emotional insecurities go far beyond age, gender, belief and issues relating ethnicity and diversity. That said, with the advance of digital social media, these insecurities have expanded and grown within a vast terrain. Not so long ago, social influencers were known as teachers, professors, parents, tutors, scientists, philosophers, doctors and so on: those who had and still have some wisdom to share. Now, it seems for the majority of people they have become irrelevant, even obsolete. In current times, the social “influencers” are now those who have more ephemeral experiences to share, faster and false flattering. No matter how superficial they may be, perhaps without direction or purpose, their words and images fill in “missing gaps”. Their increasing number of followers is frightening when hard evidence of eternal truths is so readily available alongside the many falsehoods.

For as long as these influencers are firstly “profitable” to their sponsors and secondly to themselves, they are considered public utilities. These sponsors are in general: media, business, politicians and those who have an agenda relating to what they receive as social “order”. However, their lack of commitment and responsibility has implicitly contributed towards the exploitation of the masses, even though they may have not acknowledged it. Despite all that and the shameless economic exclusion happening in many social spheres, main outcome is that society is left with a constant fluid misconception of social manners. Even this fluidity has also become fashionable constantly following new trends. Respect used to be a two-way “street” attitude, hopefully mutual and following some kind of etiquette. Now it has been become a deviated concept.

Despite the simplicity of the word “respect”, it has required quite complex tasks to be performed for many for generations. The simplicity of it is that each individual expects others to treat them the way they may like to be treated. However, the complexity of it is that many people do not even know how they would like to be treated. Society in general seems to be perpetuating poor mental health. An example is the subject of cultural appropriation, which has been an ongoing global discussion for some time now. Recently, its controversies have triggered uneasy global debates and social protests involving violence towards minorities groups. It is arguably reasonable to say that cultural appropriation is the activity of reproducing something that has been embraced by outsiders´ admirations. Sadly, this statement does not represent most people’s way of thinking.

Disagreement has scaled the division between social differences and has become ammunition fired by those pursuing unfruitful talks. If it were not for cultural appropriation, we might all be wearing clothing that was informed by our own local cultural references. That said, thanks to diversity, not only within fashion but also within many other fields, many more of us have access to culturally diverse elements that can enrich our lives and make them more interesting and joyful. Fashion, for example has on some level embraced diversity to deliver its goods for centuries. It plays with individual egos, desires, wishes, dreams, aspirations and so on. The powerful and influential characteristics of fashion over the centuries have directly impacted on people´s lives, be it positively or otherwise. In this social scenario, it is not fashion that is necessarily the villain but perhaps a decline in manners. Whatever fashion triggers in society, it is how society deals with it that can be the concern.

Although most people may think they have control over the influential elements of their surroundings, in actual fact, they have not. The only think people may have control over, is their own coping strategies to deal with situations that arise. That requires a degree of emotional intelligence. A lack of emotional intelligence will result in struggle. An individual often fights against their natural instincts in society, in trying to behave in a civilised way, even when they are hard to ignore. In recent years, many people seem to care less and less about important issues that have been left unattended. New coping strategies can appear to contradict how people actually care (assuming they actually care about anything in the purest sense of the word). For example, in the last decade or so, society has become more cautious about the environment, and everything related to it. But have things improved or are we forever spiralling downwards towards our extinction?

It has become fashionable to be seen as socially and environmentally responsible within social peer groups, as long as their intentions and comments generate visibility on media. However, it is dubious whether there is any real sincerity and credibility behind their words. This can be seen in the behaviours of businesses and their operational chains and their interactions with the general public. The majority of them seems to have forgotten how to really act responsibly towards such issues. This “social fashion” has brought obliviousness within society to a new level and can already be seen as driving further inevitable chaos. Individuals may only allow themselves to be judged by their own chosen peer groups and may not consider any views outside these groups as being relevant to them.

The concept of “manners” has changed. In recent years it has followed seasonal trends and has little or no consideration for what may get in the way of its path. A lack of consideration and thought running alongside unmindful attitudes and behaviours explains the dysfunctionality of so many current societies. I wonder how so many dysfunctional individuals who do not know the meaning of the word “respect” see themselves when they look in the mirror. Do they respect themselves or focus more on some kind of perverse self-entitlement? In their quieter moments, perhaps they still reflect on behaviours they intuitively recognise as destructive?

Have we not all witnessed embarrassing behaviour by a stranger within our social space and have felt entrapped by it? For some people, it triggers their self-awareness, whereas for others, it is something trivial and thus shamelessly acceptable. The latter group represents a considerable number of people who have been living within their own imaginary social bubbles, ignoring their surroundings and feeling a false sense of empowerment and entitlement. These bubbles can be vulnerable and fragile, some made of thin skin that can be easily broken. Others are much tougher and thicker. Humankind can be more savage than wild animals in the way it bursts a bubble without any thought for any consequences, only in pursuit of survival. Most people have not noticed the fashion versus manners conflict and even if they do, are they remotely concerned?

For many people fashionable means: having in your bag a reusable plastic cup for your takeaway coffee, a thermal water bottle, wearing vegan shoes, asking for a paper bag for your shopping, purchasing free single use plastic products, cycling to work and so on. Each one of these actions is noble when the motives behind them are pure and genuine. When these actions result in people disrespecting others, any nobility disappears: disrespecting a shop assistant for not offering a paper bag, riding a bike across the footpath thinking it is an extension of their permitted lane, not disposing of their rubbish and leftovers. Such attitudes and behaviours are all too often seen in many people who claim to be quirky, politically correct and socially conscious.

The above actions can also be observed in corporate environment: companies claiming to have a sustainability policy to enhance their image even though they have not even one sustainable activity in place. Corporate exploitation is ever present within all social spheres, be they fast fashion, cheap labour, modern slavery, social influence and so on. They general public continue to be misled, simply because they do not question or challenge their favourite products or suppliers. Therefore, what both sides see as a win – win situation, has in fact caused irreversible losses for everyone. No one is exempt from breathing polluted air, from eating contaminated food, from getting sick following a crack in a nuclear power station or from suffering the consequences of having traces of plastic everywhere. This includes the wealthiest people on our planet.

A symbiosis between the general public and corporate vision towards what is right and wrong in society, does not always correspond with their behaviours. It is very common to see local shops running highly taxed businesses (and therefore selling pricier goods) in comparison with big names that are not taxed as much as they should be, if at all. You see some people mentioning the importance of supporting those local businesses in their clusters but actually buying their goods from big names to impress their peers. A sense of community has become diminished, almost non-existent and has been replaced by random clusters focusing on their own small spaces. The concepts of right and wrong are not fluid, but solid. These clusters are part of a much bigger scenario, and all completely ignore their contribution towards a continuously vicious circle of manners. They behave as they wish so they can follow a trend or a fashion, which most likely will soon be out of vogue.

Fashion in its essence is something quite extraordinary to observe and revisit: to see how society has evolved in many areas, especially socially. Fashion has also changed people´s attitude and ways of living, be it temporarily or permanently. Even more fascinating is to observe people´s manners at different social events, why they happen in that way or another and how people perceive each other and themselves. Although fashion and manners are intrinsically connected in many forms, being dynamic and voluble, manners also change with time. People constantly revaluate and change their own values throughout their lives. That is part of a maturing process individuals go through for their own evolution as human beings. However, what should be unchangeable such as principles, have also become mutable. This is one of the eminent dangers society is facing. When principles are not the basis and core of a person´s character, they will become susceptible to external forces. This has driven society into the chaos we all now see ever more clearly.

It is so simple to do the right thing, as the energy spent to do the opposite is the same. So why do we not? Life is a cycle of events. No matter what we believe in or what we do, it comes back to us as our “karma”, in one way or another. Sustainability, respect, consideration, tolerance and empathy are perpetually in fashion for those who need have little or no fear of “bad karma”. These are the common manners we must follow on a daily basis without question, something we do automatically, as they impact directly onto our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. The changes we can make in life start from small gestures of kindness, firstly towards ourselves, then towards other people and our surroundings. That way, every small act tightens a knot in a much bigger and supportive web, which expands far beyond where our senses can reach. We must however follow the basic survival guidance on all flights when it comes to saving lives: firstly, you protect yourself with the dropping oxygen mask, then you save those ones beside you. Love yourself first, then you understand love and become ready to spread the word through your actions and thoughts!

Leandro Bernardes, 2022.